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“God’s Will for Sexual Conduct: Part II”
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“God’s Will for Sexual Conduct: Part II”
1 Thessalonians 4.6-8
That
no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is
the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and
solemnly warned you. 7 For God has not called us for the
purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. 8 So, he who rejects
this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.
Last week, as you know, we began to
study 1 Thessalonians chapter four and we found ourselves quickly immersed in
the subject of God’s will for sexual conduct. And we began by asking one
very basic question: how can a believer be sexually pure? That is a
question that Paul answers for us in verses three through six.
A. By
Abstaining from Sexual Immorality
The first thing we need to do is to abstain
from sexual immorality. And as you will recall, included within that command is
the means for us to be successful in heeding it. To “abstain” is to stay far
away from; it is to keep yourself distant from sexual temptation and sin.
The basic principle is that if you don’t want to fall, don’t walk on slippery
ground.
B. By Learning
to Control Your Sexual Passions
We found that the
second thing we need to do if we are going to remain sexually pure is that we
have got to learn to control our sexual passions. It is a matter of
learning; it is a matter of knowledge. It is a matter of coming to know and
understand how to take possession and get the mastery over all of the inordinate
sexual passions that are expressed through our bodies so as to conduct ourselves
in the sphere of “sanctification and honor.” To do anything less is to feign
ignorance of God; it is to live as if God does not exist—“in lustful passion,
like the Gentiles who do not know God.” Learning how to control our sexual
passions starts with knowledge. We have got to know God’s mind on the matter,
and what is that?—One man and one woman coming together in the context of the
covenant relationship of marriage: “Marriage is to be held in honor among all,
and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will
judge” (Heb 13.4). That is God’s standard. It’s very clear!
C.
By not Taking Advantage of Others
The third way for us to remain sexually
pure (and we did not get to this point last week) is to refrain from taking
advantage of others. Notice that verses six says, “And that no man
transgress and defraud his brother in the matter.” When Paul says, “the
matter,” he is referring back to what he has been talking about, the matter of
sexual conduct. In that realm no man is to transgress and defraud his brother.
The first verb means “to transgress by going beyond proper limits in behavior,
trespass, sin,”
and the second, “to take advantage of, exploit, outwit, defraud, cheat.”
For one man to
transgress by going beyond proper limits and take advantage of/defraud/cheat his
Christian brother in this matter is to carry on a sexual affair with another
man’s wife. More broadly, it is for any man or woman to engage in an extra or
pre-marital affair with a person who is or will be the spouse of a fellow
Christian. This is going way beyond the boundaries God has established for
sexual relations—an exploitation of a fellow Christian and a blatant disregard
for the brotherly love Paul will soon address (vv. 9-10).
To do something as
heinous as this is unspeakable! It is to violate a fellow believer and to bring
him/her into that sin. Jesus said, “Whoever causes one of these little ones who
believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone
hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matt 18.6).
When He said “little ones,” He was talking about believers. In the mind of
Christ, causing another believer to stumble is worthy of a greater punishment
than death. It is a serious thing to sin against another believer or to bring
him/her into sin.
If we want to
remain sexually pure, we have got to stay far away from sexual temptation
and sin, we’ve got to learn how to control our sexual passions, and we need to
refrain from taking advantage of others in that area. This is how to be
sexually pure. Now we want to ask the question, why should a believer be
sexually pure?
II. Why Should a
Believer Be Sexually Pure?
This, at least at the level of
motivations, is the most important question we can ask because at the end of the
day, if we are not convinced that we should remain sexually pure, we are not
going to do it. Some of our youth recently went to an event called “The Silver
Ring Thing.” It was an event organized in Grants Pass in an effort to challenge
young people to save themselves and their sexual desires for marriage. The idea
was that if they wanted to make that commitment, they could purchase a silver
ring which they would wear until marriage as a token of that commitment. I
certainly think that the motivation behind this event was noble. What could be
better than to challenge our young people to live according to God’s standard?
But I remember Abe Perea was talking to the kids and basically saying, “Look,
that ring isn’t going to do a thing for you in the moment of passion. If you
don’t have a long standing relationship with God to back up that commitment,
that little token on your finger isn’t going to save you.”
And that is
essentially the point I am laboring to make here. If we are not absolutely
convinced that we have the best reasons for remaining sexually pure,
we’re not going to do it. So why should we be pure? In a world where it
seems that everyone is bidding us to enter into the promised land of sexual
freedom, why should we abstain? What’s the big deal? It’s just a physical
act. Where’s the harm in it anyways? And why does God want to prevent us from
doing something that feels so good? Well, if you’ve never asked these kinds of
questions out loud, I would imagine that you have at least wrestled with them at
some point on the inside. In the heat of temptation, surrounded by a culture of
people who are immersed in this and who look down their noses at you and call
you a “prude” if you refrain, why remain sexually pure?
Well let me tell
you, the Word of God has comprehensive answers to this question and no line of
thinking in our world can offer a formidable challenge to what Scripture has to
say on the matter. It begins right here in our text for this morning.
A. Because of
God’s Vengeance
The first reason to remain pure is because of God’s vengeance.
Notice what Paul says in verse six: “Because the Lord is the avenger in all
these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.” Now
these words should make the hair on the back of your neck stand up! The Lord
Jesus is here described as the “avenger in all these things.” In all what
things, you ask. In all the things that Paul has been discussing in the matter
of sexual conduct. For the one who does not abstain from sexual immorality, for
the one who does not learn how to control his sexual passions, and for the one
who does transgress and defraud his brother in the matter, the Lord will meet
him as the “avenger.” And the language is emphatic in the Greek. It reads
literally, “Because AVENGER is the Lord concerning all these things.” That word
(ekdikos) means, “one who punishes, agent of punishment.”[The
Lord Jesus Christ Himself will be the One who delivers the punishment to the
believer who violates His standard in this area. The noun vengeance means,
“retaliation for harm done,”or “penalty inflicted on wrongdoers, punishment.”[5]
Note that
government is established by God as “an avenger who brings wrath on the one who
practices evil” (Rom. 13.4), but that in the case of sexual sin, God Himself is
the avenger. Hebrews 13.4 exclaims, “Marriage is to be held in honor by all,
and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will
judge.” This is a sobering reality. The one who violates God’s standard in
this area will be met with direct punishment from the hand of God.
Obviously this is a
negative motivation. Why be sexually pure? Because God is going to get
you if you’re not. And there is no hiding from this. God knows all; God sees
all! You might be able to get away with it behind closed doors or in the
darkness of the night, as far as people are concerned, but God knows, and He
will visit you with retribution. Be afraid! This is God’s use of fear as a
motivation. And do you know what, fear has always been an effective motivator.
If you’ve ever been through basic training in the military you know that.
You’re afraid of doing something wrong because you know that if you do, the
drill instructor is going to be all over you; you’re going to be in a world of
hurt!
A few years ago, my
wife and I were back in Michigan visiting here family during the summer. I was
walking around the edge of their yard, and apparently I upset a nest of yellow
jackets. I ended up getting stung in about eight to ten different places on my
arms and legs. I swelled up like a balloon and I was miserable for several
days. And ever since that event I’ve told people, “It’s not that yellow jackets
scare me, it’s just that they freak me out!” If I see one of those
things coming, man, I’m gone!
You see, fear is an
effective motivator, and God understands that we need both negative and positive
motivations. The negative motivator in the case of sexual sin is that if we
fall into it, God is going to punish us. You might ask, “Well, how is He going
to do that?” Well, we have a clear example in the case of David. Turn to 2
Samuel chapter twelve. David transgressed and defrauded his brother Uriah by
having an illicit sexual affair with his wife and later having him killed. He
repented in earnest after being confronted by Nathan the prophet, but he reaped
more than general consequences. He experienced God’s retributive justice in
kind. As he had killed Uriah with the sword (2 Sam. 12.9), so the sword would
never depart his house (v.10). As David had lain with Uriah’s wife, so another
would lay with his wives (vv. 11-12). As Uriah had died, so the child born of
adultery would die (v. 14). God’s vengeance was carried out on David during his
lifetime, and the believer who would transgress and defraud his brother in this
way should expect to experience God’s vengeance now!
That is why Paul
had told the Thessalonians beforehand about this. He had “solemnly warned” them
of God’s sense of justice and retribution in the matter of sexual sin. And it
was necessary to remind them again because they were people who had turned to
God from idols (1.9) in the midst of a culture where sexual immorality was
rampant.
B.
Because of God’s Purpose
So we should stay
pure because of God’s vengeance, and secondly, because of God’s purpose.
Look at verse seven: “For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but
in sanctification.” We should be pure because the purpose of God’s effectual
call on our lives is not impurity. He did not bring us into a saving
relationship with Himself so that we could live in a way that totally violates
His character. In fact, that initial effectual call also included
sanctification. The sphere in which God extended His call to us was that of
sanctification.
God Himself has
always existed in complete holiness, and when He calls us to Himself, He calls
us to be like Him. We are to be set apart from sin to God. This
gets at the very heart of God’s purpose for saving us. Ephesians 1.4 says, “He
chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and
blameless before Him.” That is the point of our lives. We are to be like God,
particularly in terms of holiness, because that is what brings Him the most
glory. When Paul wrote to the believers in the city of Corinth he said, “To the
church of God which is at Corinth, to those who have been sanctified in Christ
Jesus, saints by calling” (1 Cor 1.2). We are what we are by virtue of the fact
that we have been called by God. We are “saints by calling.” The very essence
of what it is to be a Christian is that we are saints—holy ones; those
who have been set apart to God. When we are saved, there is an initial
act of sanctification in which God Himself sets us apart to Himself for His own
glory. If you are a true believer, you have been sanctified; you are a
saint!
So in view of what
we are in the sight of God, we are called to live in the sphere of
sanctification. So in Ephesians 4.1 we are implored to walk in a manner worthy
of the calling with which we have been called. 1 Peter 1.15 says, “Like the
Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior.” The
reason we need to be sexually pure is because God has called us to that—to
conduct ourselves in the sphere of sanctification. That is His purpose for our
lives.
Now we’ve heard the
negative motivation for why we should be sexually pure—because of God’s
vengeance. That’s using fear as a motivator. But what we are looking at here
is the positive motivation. And listen, this is decidedly positive, because
what God has called us to is infinitely better than what God has called
us from! Do you believe that? If you don’t, you will never remain
sexually pure. If you are not absolutely convinced that God’s way is better
than the world’s way, you will inevitably fall in this area.
I want to convince
you (if you’re not already convinced) that God’s way is the best way, and I want
to do that, first of all, by showing you the deceitful emptiness of the world’s
promise for satisfaction in this area. The one thing that seems to draw so many
young people into the mine field of sexual sin is that they are constantly
bombarded with lies calling them to enter it. The typical Hollywood movie
portrays a picture perfect romance that quickly turns into a sexual
relationship. It shows all of the thrills with none of the consequences, and it
becomes the quintessential essence of what it is to be “in love.” Apparently
you can’t have a romantic relationship if you’re not physically involved. And
what young girl is not shocked when upon losing her virginity she finds that
Hollywood’s version of love was a stone cold lie. Her first experience is more
pain than it is pleasure, and all too often the guy who told her that he “loved”
her is gone, only to look for the next girl to take advantage of.
The massive surplus
of pornographic material that is a click away from the fingers of many young men
promises unparalleled pleasure and satisfaction to them. With great boldness it
calls out, “Come, enter the promised land of unlimited opportunity to freely
express all of your sexual passions.” With all the decadence of a chocolate
covered candy it claims that it will be the experience of a lifetime, but if
offers what it cannot deliver. The boy who thinks it’s a chocolate covered
candy finds it to be chocolate covered poison. The chocolate tasted so good in
his mouth, but the poison killed him. The only relief he can find from his pain
and shame is the pursuit of one more experience. Like the drunkard, he seeks
just one more drink until he finds that he is bound by the very thing that
offered him freedom.
“Freedom,” our
world says, is doing whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. And oh
how many young men and women have bought this lie and so plunged themselves into
the dungeon of bondage to sin. “For by what a man is overcome, by this he is
enslaved,” says 2 Peter 2.19.
But oh how our
world continues to propagate this lie with all the pompous arrogance of
self-proclaimed omniscience. I remember that in the summer before I was going
to marry Kelly, one of my co-workers was adamant that I needed to live with her
first—you know, give it a shot for a few months just to see if we could live
with each other. Never mind the fact that he had done that and had already been
divorced twice and was in and out of one physical relationship after another, he
was still convinced that it was just the thing I needed to do. And let me tell
you, young people, if you resolve to live according to God’s standard in this
area, you are going to be constantly harassed by people around you for making
that choice. But listen, it’s the best choice you will every make.
Let me tell you why. And this is so important! Parents, we
have got to get beyond, “Don’t do this and don’t do that.” It’s got to be more
than, “Don’t have sex until you’re married Junior.” Tell them why! Give them a
reason so compelling that they will see the futility in resisting it. This
begins with understanding the superiority of God’s plan—one man and one woman
coming together in the covenant relationship of marriage. Sex is a wonderful
gift from God to be enjoyed in that context! Proverbs 5 exhorts us,
Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19
As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all
times; Be exhilarated always with her love. 20 For why should you, my
son, be exhilarated with an adulteress And embrace the bosom of a foreigner?
21 For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, And He
watches all his paths. 22 His own iniquities will capture the wicked,
And he will be held with the cords of his sin. 23 He will die for
lack of instruction, And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray.
The world bids us to come into the so-called
promised land of sexual freedom, but God says that if you go that way, if you
seek to be exhilarated with an adulteress, then your own iniquities will capture
you and you will be held with the cords of your sin. What you thought was the
door to freedom will instead be found by you to be the gates to bondage. You
will die for lack of instruction [discipline] and in the greatness of your folly
you will go astray. But oh how wonderful is the gift of sexual intimacy in the
context of God’s design for marriage. The text says to “rejoice in the
wife of your youth;” it says that you are to let her physically “satisfy
you at all times;” it says that you are to be “exhilarated always with
her love.” It speaks of joy and satisfaction and even exhilaration all within
the context of God’s purpose and design.
Now let
me ask you a question: “Who created sex?” God did, right? Do you think that
God created this wonderful opportunity for physical intimacy and then forbade us
from enjoying it to its fullest? Absolutely not! I mean you can take all of
the wisdom and advice of the world and put it up against the infinite wisdom of
God and His plan is always going to come out on top. God created sex and set it
apart to be enjoyed in the covenant relationship of marriage precisely because
it can be enjoyed to the greatest degree in that place. Everything else is a
cheap substitute, a hollow counterfeit that promises everything and delivers
nothing. God’s way is the best way! “O taste and see that the LORD is good,”
says Psalm 34.8; those “who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good
thing” (v. 10); “No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psa
84.11). David said to the LORD, “In Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your
right hand there are pleasures forever” (Psa 16.11).
When Kelly and I first started
getting to know each other, I made it very clear at the outset that it was not
going to be casual dating. If we were going to be in a relationship, it was
going to be going somewhere; we were going to be testing the waters for
marriage. And during that time I always had it on my mind that if we did not
get married, it was very likely that she would end up being another man’s wife,
and I didn’t want to be kissing another man’s wife. I wanted to be treating her
with all the love and respect and dignity with which I would treat a dear sister
in Christ. In fact, I never even told her that I loved her until the day that I
put a ring on her finger. That was for two reasons: 1) when I first told her
that I loved her, I wanted her to be able to look over the past months of our
relationship and know without a doubt that I did. I wanted her to be
able to see it in the way that I treated her; 2) when I told her that I loved
her, I wanted to back it up with all the commitment that I could muster. I
wanted to be able to say, “I am going to marry you and I am going to spend the
rest of my life with you!”
Now, before we were even
engaged, Kelly and I had decided that we were not even going to kiss each other
until the day we got married. I am not trying to put that standard on everyone
here, but let me tell you why we decided to do it that way. We wanted to make
sure that we were getting to know each other emotionally and mentally and
spiritually long before the physical relationship came. We wanted there to be
real substance to our relationship that was not simply fabricated on account of
premature physical intimacy. We wanted our relationship to last far beyond the
ebb and flow of the raging hormones that are the driving force behind so many
relationships today.
So on that day, when we got
married, and Kelly stood in her radiant, spotless, white dress (a symbol that
actually meant something in terms of her purity), and we kissed for the first
time, I can guarantee you that there were many women there who welled up with
tears and wished more than anything that they had something like that. Suddenly
all the cheap and counterfeit experiences that they had with different men were
seen in their true light and they wanted more than anything to enjoy that
physical intimacy in the context of marriage to a man who was committed to
loving them and gently nourishing and cherishing them for the rest of their
lives.
That is God’s plan for sexual
purity, and let me tell you, young people, you can look high and low and you can
try every so-called sexual freedom the world has to offer, but you will never
find true exhilaration, satisfaction, pleasure and joy like that which can be
found in the context of God’s design for marriage. Why should a believer be
sexually pure? Because of God’s purpose: “God has not called us for the purpose
of impurity, but in sanctification.”
C.
Because of God’s Holy Spirit
Well, a third reason to be
sexually pure is because of God’s Holy Spirit. Look at verse eight: “So,
he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit
to you.” The text reads literally, “the God, the One who gives the Spirit of
Him, the HOLY to you.” Holy is greatly emphasized. The word (hagion)
is from the same root as sanctification (hagiasmos), which is a
repeated emphasis in this passage. It is God’s will for us to be sanctified,
i.e., holy (v. 3); we are to conduct ourselves in sanctification (v. 4); God
called us in sanctification (v. 7), and He has given us His Holy Spirit (v. 8).
The point is that as believers the Holy Spirit of God dwells within us. So to
reject holiness and go into the forbidden land of sexual sin is not to turn your
back on mere man, but to reject God Himself. This is a serious matter to God!
Turn with me to 1 Corinthians
chapter six. Here Paul is dealing with the matter of sexual sin among the
Corinthians and he says,
Do you not know that your bodies
are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make
them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16 Or do you not know
that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For
He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." 17 But the one who joins
himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 18 Flee
immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but
the immoral man sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that
your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God,
and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a
price: therefore glorify God in your body.
Paul was harping on the fact that what is
done in the physical body is not disconnected from spiritual implications and
consequences, and the most significant reason for that is because the body of
the believer is actually “the temple of the Holy Spirit.” What is supposed to
be the very sanctuary of the Holy Spirit should never be used as a vehicle for
sexual sin!
Furthermore, the Holy Spirit is
given to us as the Agent of power for living a holy life. It is God’s desire
for us to be sanctified; it is God’s will for us to live holy lives particularly
in the area of sexual conduct, and He has given us in His Spirit the power we
need to do that. This is such an encouraging passage for me because in it I
find that God desires for me to be sexually pure, that His purpose in that
purity gives me the best opportunity to enjoy the greatest pleasure and
satisfaction according to His design, and that He has given me the power I need
to live that way.
Make no mistake about it, God is
most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him. He has revealed to us His
will for sexual conduct, He has given us the power to perform it, and when we do
that, we experience greater joy and pleasure and satisfaction than we can find
anywhere else. Why should a believer be sexually pure? Because of God’s
vengeance, because of God’s purpose, and because of God’s Holy Spirit.
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Now, I need to say a few more
things about this issue of purity. I know that some of you have heard what I
said and you are thinking, “Well I’m glad that you and your wife have such a
wonderful relationship and I know that God’s standard is the best, but I’ve
already blown it in this area.” Well, I want to say a few things to you and I
want to say some things to those who would judge you. First of all, sexual sin
is a terrible thing—make no mistake about it—but so is every other sin. In
First Corinthians chapter six, “fornicators” (or sexual sinners) are linked
together in the same list with “idolaters,” “thieves,” “covetous” people (greedy
people), “drunkards,” “revilers” (people who cut others down with their words),
and “swindlers” (cheaters; those who defraud someone of something) (vv. 9-10).
The point I am trying to make is that some of you here today think that you can
sit on your high horse and look down your nose at those who have fallen to
sexual sin, but do you revile, do you cut others down with your words? Do you
defraud others? Are you a thief? Are you greedy? Do you have other idols in
your heart?
If you’re here today and you
have given yourself to the sin of pornography or if you are in or about to enter
an adulterous relationship, listen, STOP! Get it out in the open and deal with
it! For some reason this sin, in the church, has become such a secret sin.
Nobody wants to talk about it. Everyone wants to pretend like it doesn’t exist
but it does and it’s a huge problem and a major foothold for Satan. Ephesians
5.11 says, “Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead
even expose them.” “All things become visible when they are exposed by the
light,” verse 13 says. If you keep it in the darkness, if you keep yourself in
secrecy, you’re going to remain in bondage. Tell somebody; confess it to a
Christian brother; talk to me about it. “Confess your sins to one another,”
says James 5.16, “and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” If you
won’t tell anyone, it’s because you’re living according to the fear of man and
not by the fear of God. God knows it all, every detail. And do you know what,
there is forgiveness and cleansing and total restoration available in the
infinite fountain of the grace of God. And if God will forgive you, everyone in
the church needs to do the same.
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